


The morning plan

by jfd2403



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27519352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jfd2403/pseuds/jfd2403
Summary: Elia misses Filippo's company after spending weeks in lockdown with him.
Relationships: Elia Santini/Filippo Sava
Comments: 12
Kudos: 24





	1. 6:00 am - The realization

The music is making him feel sleepy. Keeping his eyes closed without falling asleep is taking all of the will power Elia can muster right now. He sighs. The soft but cold breeze, pulled in from the open balcony door, freezes his bare feet hanging from the leather couch in the living room. Cold keeps you awake, right? Or does it make you sleepy? Elia can’t remember. He sits up, tucking his feet under his thighs in the process. Melting into the cushions he adjusts the noise cancelling headphones so a bit of his ear sticks out allowing him to listen any coming footsteps.

 _It’s too early for this,_ he thinks to himself. _I should change the song. I need something upbeat or I will fall sleep here but I can’t risk opening my eyes yet. He could come in any second._

So Elia stays put, waiting. He sits up, straightening his back, focused on being awake. Why is he doing this again? Was it really necessary to wake up two hours before he usually does and pull this bit just to talk to Filippo? It’s all so absurd.

Weirdly, this calms his nerves. Looking ridiculous, awake at 6:30 am, in his pajamas seating down in the living room with his eyes closed, as if he were meditating, with his headphones on makes him feel less serious, less vulnerable. Filippo will see him and immediately start teasing Elia, making every joke imaginable to make fun of Elia without stopping to catch his breath, which will last so long he won’t have to explain why he’s actually there; he just needs to pretend to be annoyed at Filippo, rolling his eyes exactly how he practiced in his room last night.

 _Why are awake so early, Elia?_ Elia imagines Filippo say in this made up scenario in his mind. _You’re so weird, just go to bed. Why is the possibility of more sleep wasted on you? Why am I the one that has to be outside taking pictures as the sun is coming up for that stupid class I’m taking?_

Elia will laugh and shrug, jokingly goading him to enjoy this banter so much that he would have no other option than to invite Elia to tag along for his school project that morning. That is what will happen. Elia is sure of it. It’s what has to happen. Elia has a lot riding on this bit.

Ever since the restrictions were lifted and they are allowed to be outside, Elia and Filippo haven’t been hanging out with each other like they used to. The chaos during the pandemic and the fear of an uncertain future clouded Elia’s mind at the time, but now, in retrospect, those weeks meant a lot to him. With every day that passes, Elia realizes how much he misses Filippo’s company.

A new song starts. Has it only been four minutes? Gosh, it feels like longer. Elia throws his head back. Maybe Filippo already left and Elia has been seating his like an idiot with his eyes closed hoping Filippo will come and disturb the silence like he so beautifully does with his effervescent personality and gorgeous smile.

Elia opens his eyes in shock, taking in his last thought. _Fuck, maybe I’m not only bored from being on lockdown alone but I actually have a crush on him._ Elia throws his head back again. _Fuck._ He repeats to himself.

Slowly he removes his headphones and puts them in the coffee table. This new realization has left him in awe. His gaze moves to the open balcony door on the other side of the room. Staring at the plants outside, their leaves moving with the wind, Elia is not able to shake off this new feeling. He looks at the plants, but can’t focus on them. In his mind he sees Filippo’s face, smiling at him. Elia smiles at this thought just as he hears a door closing in the hallway. Filippo is coming.

Blonde hair, in all back clothes, Filippo walks into the room, balancing a pile of stuff trying to put everything inside his backpack.

“Uh, Elia?” Filippo asks startled, stopping on his tracks and before walking towards Elia still seating on the couch. “Why are you up so early?” Filippo asks with a worried expression on his face.

“Are you ok? Are you feeling anxious again about the pandemic and the future?” he asks, not taking his soft eyes off of Elia.

Elia allows himself to stare back, loosing himself in them. So brown, so deep, so beautiful.

“Elia?” Filippo insists, letting out a small chuckle. “Are you there Elia? Haha”

Filippo waves his hand in front of Elia’s face. Elia snaps out of it.

“Don’t tell me you’re high?” Filippo laughs seating down next to Elia. “You are high! Are you high? Haha Elia, it’s 6:30, you can’t be high.”

Elia smiles, pretending to be annoyed, and gives Filippo a gentle push. “No Filo, I am not high” he says. “I just..”

Filippo waits, smiling encouragingly at Elia, waiting to hear what he has to say to tease him again.

“You’re just…?”

“I just… I-“ Elia takes a deep breath. Filippo’s beauty took him off guard and he can’t remember the script he rehearsed last night. Elia decides to just be honest.

“I was wondering if I could come with you today.” Elia says looking down at his hands. “I haven’t left the house in so long and I could use some fresh air.”

Filippo’s eyes light up. “Yes, of course you can come.” Elia looks up at him and smiles.

“I will grace you with my company, one that I know you miss so, so much. I know this is real reason why you’re up so early.” Filippo continues, standing up and walking towards the kitchen.

“What? No! That’s not wh-“ Elia jumps off the couch and begins to loudly explain but is interrupted by Filippo who turned around to look at him.

“Haha relax Elia, I’m just teasing you,” Filippo laughs.

“Now I don’t want to go out anymore” Elia says daringly sitting back down in the couch. Filippo’s expression changes from 0 to 100.

“No, no, no,” Filippo replies, walking quickly towards Elia with an extremely serious expression which takes Elia by surprise. “I was joking! Please come, please. I can’t bear taking pictures by myself at sunrise for the 13th consecutive day. I wanted to ask you to come for days but I figured you would say no.”

Elia finds this shift in their dynamic interesting; it makes him feel wanted. Elia lays back comfortably putting his feet up on the coffee table.

Filippo stands in front of Elia and pulls him up by the arms. “You already said you were coming; you can’t take it back. Come, go get changed. I’ll grab a quick snack we can eat on the way to the park.”

Elia laughs, a warm feeling spreading all over his chest. “Fine, fine, I’ll come.”

Filippo walks to the kitchen “Ok, if you insist,” he says in an uninterested tone.

“What?! You were the one who was begging me to come!” Elia yells annoyed. “Don’t make me sound like a-“

“I know! I was joking”, Filippo exhales, rolling his eyes, pretending to be annoyed but with a big grin on his face. “Now hurry up, we need to get there soon. I need the light to be just right.”

Elia’s smile grows bigger now that he knows Filippo can’t see him. As he walks to his room to change he hears Filippo behind him, making a lot of noise in the kitchen. As much as he wants to enjoy this pleasant moment of triumph after getting what he wanted, Elia much rather get dressed quickly so he can be outside spending quality time with Filippo as soon as possible.

One quick minute later, Elia is walking out his room and into the living room. Filippo is by the front door, backpack in one hand and a bag with snacks in the other.

“I am ready” Elia says, meeting Filippo’s eyes.

Filippo smiles at him, slowly opening the door without taking his eyes off of Elia.

“I am ready too.”


	2. 7:00 am - Pictures by the park

It doesn’t feel so cold out anymore. Everything is very dark still, no surprises there, but the hot cup of coffee he drinks as he walks next to Filippo is keeping Elia warm. Black coffee with two sugars is his usual order, which Filippo remembered when preparing it as Elia got ready to leave in the morning. They walk quickly in silence, Elia trying to keep up with Filippo. Even though outside everything is so quiet that Elia feels the need to whisper, afraid to disrupt the calmness of this pitch-black early morning, there’s a sense of urgency in the air. Elia takes a sip and looks at Filippo walking next to him. Filippo is too busy to notice Elia staring at him as he is checking his backpack, making sure he didn’t forget any of his camera equipment so he can have everything ready for when they reach their destination. See, Filippo has been waking up before sunrise every morning for weeks to capture shop owners opening their stores. A post lockdown project of some sorts. He thought it was a good idea at first but now it seems everyone is doing quarantine related art so the more he does it the quicker he is loosing interest in it. He pitched it for a class project so he can’t back down now as there’s not enough time to come up with a new one before the semester ends. Also, Elia joining him today is making the early outing worthwhile.

“Uhm –“, Elia breaks the silence. “Where exactly are we going?”

Filippo turns to look at Elia, swinging his backpack on his shoulder. “We’re only one block away now. I’ve been taking pictures of the street in front of that bus stop close to the library.”

“Oh ok”, Elia replies as Filippo picks up the pace. “Remind me why we’re doing this again?” Elia says catching up to him.

“Ok, so do you remember when quarantine first started and pictures of dolphins going back to the Venice canals were being shared? Well, I want to capture something similar but with humans.” Filippo explains. “Look, I know, I know. Everyone is doing something related to this apocalypse we’re in but at the time it sounded like an original idea.”

“I like the idea”, Elia said honestly. “I think it’s a good one and who cares if everyone is doing something about the pandemic. You were the one who once told me everything has already been done anyways.”

Filippo laughs. “That’s true, you are right Elia.”

Elia smiles at him, their gaze lasts one second longer than usual. “Also, the whole point of art is to see how artists interprets whatever they are trying to communicate. Everyone in the world might be doing projects about the same thing but only Filippo can do Filippo.”

“Oh Elia”, Filippo chuckles, slightly blushing. “Don’t say that sort of thing. You know how easily things go to my head.”

Elia laughs, “I’m just saying, don’t second guess your ideas.”

Filippo smiles at him and gives him a quick sideways hug. Elia nervously hugs him back for one second before letting go.

“Look, we’re here!”, he exclaims avoiding Filippo’s eyes on him.

“Oh yeah” Filippo runs towards a nearby bench as he unzips his backpack. “The flower shop over there is the first one to open every day.” He nudges his head towards their left, pointing out the flower shop, as he takes out the correct camera lens.

“I’m just setting everything up here right now but I will be walking all over the street once people start showing up” Filippo explains as he sits down on the bench, pouring all the backpack’s contents over Elia’s lap. “You can sit here to drink your coffee or you can walk with me as I take pictures, it’s up to you.”

Elia barely listens. He nervously follows Filippo’s hands with his eyes like a hawk, as he grabs from Elia’s lap a pen, then two loose crumpled pieces of paper with some notes on them. He feels Filippo’s finger gently graze his thigh by accident as he grabs a camera lens. Elia freezes to the touch.

Filippo notices and chuckles embarrassed.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry for just dumping all my backpack’s contents over you”, Filippo apologizes realizing his mistake. “It was very inconsiderate of me.”

He begins to throw the remaining objects into his backpack, Elia helps. “I’m a little bit behind schedule and I did it without thinking.”

Elia smiles nervously, “it’s ok Filo, really.”

“No, it’s not, I apologize.” Filippo kneels down on the floor to zip up his bag and looks up at Elia smiling. “It won’t happen again.”

It really was ok for Elia; he didn’t mind really. Honestly, the idea of Filippo’s touch that makes him so nervous. His heart felt like it would burst out of his chest when Filippo accidentally touched his thigh. Filippo jogs away from the bench and begins to shoot a couple opening the corner store. They notice Filo and wave at him, smiling. Filippo waves back.

Elia lets out a loud sigh and throws his head back.

_Elia control yourself. What’s wrong with you? He will notice something is up._

He closes his eyes and wonders if that would really be a bad thing.

 _Yes it would be Elia,_ he says to himself one second later. They’re living together and it would be too complicated. Also, he doesn’t even know if Filippo feels the same way. Yes, Filippo is really nice and caring towards Elia, in ways no one else has before, but that doesn’t mean he is interested in him like that. Martino has said that inside Filippo’s loud and outgoing exterior is one of the nicest and most supportive people he has known. _He’s just being nice to you Elia,_ he tells himself over and over. Elia needs to get over this newfound interest in Filippo. How and why did it sprung so randomly this morning? What the hell is going on?

“Elia!”

Elia abruptly opens his eyes and jerks his head in the voice’s direction.

Filippo is still standing on the corner, one hand held high waving at hi. “Elia please come here! Can you bring my bag please!” He continues to yell.

Elia stands up and starts walking towards him, backpack hanging from his hand.

“Hurry up! It’s an emergency.” Filippo insists. It’s still too early for him to be this loud. People are beginning to stare at them, wondering what is going on. Elia jogs towards him and hands him the bag.

“Oh no thanks,” Filippo dismisses Elia. The camera already on his face, shutter sound going off. “I don’t need it really. It just seemed like you were falling asleep so I made you come here so you would wake up.”

Elia punches Filippo on the arm, feeling slightly annoyed at him. “Ugh, why are you like this?”

Filippo takes the camera off his face for a second and grins at Elia.

“I’m not sorry either,” Filippo admits. “It’s just that if you were falling asleep it’s because I’m not keeping you entertained like a good host would.”

“Host? What host? This is not our apartment.”

“This park has been like my second home lately haha,” Filippo explains. “What I mean is that I feel like I made you come here so I want to make sure you’re not bored. Stay here and let’s chat whilst I take more pictures.”

Filippo turns to look at Elia, Elia smiles at him. “Ok, ok, what do you want to talk about?”

“Uhm,” Filippo says whilst kneeling down to shoot from a new angle. “I don’t know. Tell me a story. I have a difficult time talking whilst working but I’m great at listening.”

“You have a hard time talking? You?” Elia teases.

“Yes, me!” Filippo replies laughing. “I’m not that self-involved you know.”

“I know, I know” Elia says softly. “You really aren’t. I did think you were at first you know.”

“Yeah, almost everyone does” Filippo admits. “I guess I give out that vibe. People just assumed because I’m openly gay and loud that I’m like that. It’s just how stereotypes work.”

“Yeah, sorry about that”

“It’s ok, really.” Filippo smiles at Elia. “What do you think of me now though? That’s what I really want to know.”

Elia lays back on the tree next to them and looks at him. Filippo is too busy taking pictures to notice. He feels his gaze soften and a warm sensation creeps up on him, filling up his chest as he thinks of Filippo.

_I know you are outgoing. I know you are funny. I know you are passionate. I know you are caring. I’ve seen how you casually check up on friends and family every few days if you haven’t heard from them. I can tell that you know how difficult it has been for me to live away from my family, to be in bad terms with my dad currently, by how you have continuously encouraged me to hang up my pictures and put my stuff all over the apartment so it feels like home to me too. I know you make an effort to get to know and understand people. I see the way you make sure we spend quality time together. I notice when you play chill music loudly from the living room when you can tell I’m feeling overwhelmed with the current state of the world so I can relax. I recognize that you give me space when I need to be alone. I see how you try to make me feel welcome by sometimes preparing two snacks in case I want to join you as you watch tv. I also –_

“Elia”, Filippo abruptly says, pulling him back to reality. “I’m waiting to hear what you think of me.”

Filippo stands up and looks at Elia still resting on the tree. His gaze burns, Elia can feel himself blushing.

“Were you falling asleep again?” Filippo asks, having a feeling that wasn’t the case. He stares at Elia with a curious grin on his face. “Well? Tell me?”

Elia chuckles nervously. “Yeah, sorry. I just got a little bit distracted.” Filippo didn’t ask why.

“Most of my assumptions were true, I have to say”, Elia admits. “Keep in mind that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’ve heard a lot of you from Marti and you know how highly he thinks of you.”

“Oh!” Filippo interrupts. “This means you only think good things of me now!”

Elia laughs, “Well, yeah. Kinda. It has been a very tough year and you have been great.”

Filippo smiles proudly

“Don’t let it go to you head!” Elia quickly adds.

“You KNOW it will.” They both laugh as they walk, Filippo sits down on the nearby bench and gestures Elia to join him. “I’m done for the day. Thanks for coming with me Elia.”

“You know it.” Elia replies. He looks straight ahead, his gaze on a woman walking her dog. He can feel Filippo looking at him, but he is too nervous to look back. A few people are walking around them but it feels like they’re alone. It feels intimate, just like most of their mornings weeks ago when they drank coffee sitting down on the living room floor with all the windows open to hear their downstairs neighbor play the piano. Everything was quiet expect for the music, not even they would speak. They would just drink and look out the window. Back then Elia felt like they were the last two people on earth, the piano music their soundtrack.

From the corner of his eye, he can see Filippo shifting close to him. Elia’s eyes remain on the woman and her dog. He feels Filippo rests his head against his shoulder as he exhales.

“I also think only good things about you Elia.”


	3. 8:00 A proper breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stream Mantieni il bacio by Michele Bravi and watch the videoclip where Francesco Centorame (Elia) plays his love interest <3

“I was falling asleep back there”, Elia says in the middle of a small chuckle, trying to ease the tension a bit. He wonders if Filippo feels it too. Filippo doesn’t say anything back, he’s too busy looking at the pictures he took on his camera. Elia clears his throat loudly.

“ – Uh?”, Filippo looks up from his camera. “Did you say something?”

“Filippo! I’ve been talking to you.” Elia replies slightly annoyed. It seems Filippo has not noticed the different atmosphere surrounding them after they spent almost twenty minutes in silence in the park bench. Filippo’s head on Elia’s shoulder, their breaths synchronized. Elia could’ve stayed like that for hours but a ping of a text message notification killed the mood. Filippo sat up to check his phone and after that I felt weird for him to casually fall back over Elia. Elia sensed it so he got up and smiling at Filippo he suggested they walk back home. Filippo adds that maybe they could eat something for breakfast outside.

“Yeah”, Filippo had replied. “Let’s grab something to eat. We deserve a nice breakfast outside after being locked up for so long.”

The thought of eating outside makes Elia anxious. Who is cooking the food? Are they wearing masks whilst cooking? Is everything really clean? Are the tables far apart enough? Should he disinfect the cutlery himself with gel before touching it? There’s just so many questions that prevent him from feeling comfortable. He knows he won’t be able to eat out but the fear of looking ridiculous prevents him from being honest with Filo.

 _It will all be fine Elia_ , he repeats to himself over and over as they walk. Elia is blindly following Filippo, afraid to ask where they are going. He knows asking only one question will open the gates of the 1,000 more questions that will unmask the deep fear Elia is feeling at the idea of seating down in a restaurant in the middle of the pandemic. He’s supposed to be over this already, everyone else seems to be acting like life is back to normal. Or that’s what it looks like from what he can see. No one is showing any crippling fear of walking too close to someone else, or too afraid to order a coffee prepared by a stranger at a café.

 _Just ignore your irrational fears and breath through it._ Elia tells himself over and over. _Are they really irrational though?_ Elia is unsure. His palms are starting to sweat from the nervousness. Casually, he puts is his inside his coat pockets to dry the sweat. He shouldn’t be scared of telling Filippo he’s not comfortable with the plan. Filippo was there with him during lockdown. He was the only one there actually; and he stayed. He stayed even after Elia had so many breakdowns, even after seeing Elia having a hard time touching the apartment doorknob wondering if someone living in the other apartments had touched it before, even after staying up many days in a row to keep Elia company when he couldn’t sleep from the anxiety even thought he had run out of coffee and couldn’t go out to buy more for the next few days. Filippo would probably understand but Elia is afraid that he is not coming across as the adult he feels he should be; the independent, living by himself guy who is starting university in a few months.

Filippo keeps on walking, too busy with his head buried in his phone to notice that Elia has not said a word for the past five minutes. Eventually he looks up.

“Wait, wait. Give me a moment.” Filippo grabs Elia gently by the arm to slow him down. A few moments later Filippo holts to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. He alternates from looking at his phone to looking up at the shops in front of them. Probably trying to see a place he found online for them to eat, Elia assumes. There’s a bit more people outside now. A man in pajamas walking his down is heading on their direction. From what Elia can tell he is tired but the dog is definitely not. His dog looks friendly and lively. They pull hard on their leash towards Filo and Elia after noticing them standing in the way, probably in the mood to play. Elia hadn’t noticed that Filo’s hand was still on his arm until he feels a strong pull right as the dog launches towards them. Elia feels himself fall into Filippo, being maneuvered farther away from the man and his dog with Filippo in between acting as a shield.

“Oh sorry!” The man says.

“That’s ok, don’t worry” Filippo replies quickly as he grabs Elia’s hand and guides him away from where they were standing. Elia’s hand is still sweaty but Filippo doesn’t seem to mind.

“Sorry if it feels like I’m pushing you around Elia”, Filippo says as they walked. “When I saw his dog coming our way I was afraid he would get too close to you and I know how the idea of being close to strangers makes you feel very anxious. I instinctively got between you – and oh god! I’m now holding your hand as if you were a child. I’m so sorry for treating you like a kid that needs protection.”

Filippo swiftly let’s go of Elia’s hand, blushing as he lets out a loud, nervous chuckle.

“It’s ok Filippo” Elia reassures him. “I appreciate you looking out for me. You really have been a great help during these few months.”

Filippo looks at him and flashes him a shy smile.

“So”, he awkwardly says. “I found a good place online but I think I got the wrong address because I can’t find it.”

Filippo takes his phone out again and Elia stops to face him.

“Filo” he says quietly. “I was thinking…”

“Yes?”

“Uhm. I don’t know if I feel comfortable eating out yet. I’m sorry but the pandemic just makes me feel so… so – I don’t know. But I could just go home and you can stay and eat. I don’t want to feel like I’m ruining your plans. Maybe Marti can join you! Should I text him? I’m gonna text him. I’m sure he would love to see you, and the place is probably safe right? I mean you guys are both smart people and know how to – ”

“Elia, Elia, wait.” Filippo says softly, looking at Elia directly in the eyes. “Just wait, don’t text Marti. It’s ok, we don’t have to eat outside, there’s plenty of food back home. I wasn’t planning on asking you to sit down and eat somewhere with me. I was thinking more of us getting something to go at a café or whatever so we could sit down at the park and relax far away from other people but I completely understand if you’re not comfortable and I appreciate you telling me. I’m sorry if I made you worry or if you felt anxious.”

“No, don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong.” Elia grabs Filippo’s arms and smiles at him. “Thanks for understanding. And if I’m honest I’m actually ok with eating at the park.”

“Elia” Filippo whispers.

They stay silent for a few moments; Elia waits attentively for Filippo to finish the sentence but he never does. All of a sudden, he feels Filo launch at him, arms around his neck, gently wrapping him into a hug. Elia jumps initially but reciprocates after a second, hugging Filippo tighter. Filippo matches Elia’s pull.

“What?” Elia asks.

“I’m sorry”

 _You have nothing to be sorry_ for, Elia thinks. He exhales and instead says “You are a great person. Thanks for being so understanding.”

Filippo pulls back and lifts his hands to cup Elia’s face. He opens his mouth to say something but remains silent, smiles and pats Elia in the head.

“Home then?” Filippo asks, nudging his head in the apartment’s direction.

“Nah, supermarket, park and then home” Elia replies. He grabs Filo’s hand and pulls him in the opposite direction. He gives him a tight squeeze and let’s go after a couple of steps. They both giggle.

“Ok, but I get to choose where we sit!” Filippo says loudly.

Elia laughs. “That’s ok, I’ll sit wherever. I trust you.”


	4. 9:00 The Tree

“I think we could get some packaged food at the supermarket” Filippo suggests.

“Like sandwiches?” Elia asks.

“Mhm. Or hummus and chips.”

Elia nods. Side by side, they’re walking looking straight ahead so the nod went unnoticed but Filippo comprehends the silence after his last proposal as Elia agreeing with him. It’s still quite early and Filippo is definitely sleepy but he feels strangely energized; the morning has been eventful. 

There definitely has been flirting going on. Filippo is sure of that. Could it just be Elia feeling comfortable around Filippo after all they’ve been through the past few months? It could just be a friend platonically showing affection though physical closeness, right? He keeps having to remind himself that not everyone is queer.

 _Would be nice if Elia was though_ , Filippo thinks. I mean, it’s always great to connect with more queer people, especially if they’re as cool and interesting as Elia, but in the back of his mind Filippo knows that’s not the real reason he wishes Elia would be queer like him. Irene warned him this could happen and he didn’t listen.

“Have you heard about that study that claims that you could develop an intense emotional connection with someone else if you maintained direct eye contact for more than 20 minutes whilst answering deeply personal questions?” She had said over the phone on the second day of lockdown.

“What are you talking about Irene?” Filippo had answered confused. “Are you feeling existential already? It’s only the second day.”

“Maybe I am. I was talking about you and Elia though” She explained.

“What about us? We are not having deep therapy sessions in the living room. I know you only hang out with women and I’m probably your only guy friend but, is this what you think guys do when they’re alone? What tv shows have you been watching?” Filippo laughs at her, so confused about what she’s going on about.

“I’m just saying, he JUST moved in with you. This is his first time living away from his family and from what I understood they’re not in the best terms at the moment. We’re about to begin a very weird time in our lives. Do you have any idea how much being secluded can affect your mental state? Do you understand how much you will need to rely on each other to make it through this without going insane? He will need someone to talk to Fi. There’s the pandemic, and on top of that add being away from home and now sharing an apartment with one of the most intense human beings I know –“

“He’s not going to develop feelings for me Irene” Filippo cut her off.

“I wasn’t talking about him.” She said so casually.

 _Fucking Irene,_ he says to himself, now noticing they’re one block away from the supermarket. Has Elia been talking? Filippo has been so immersed in his own thoughts, if he did Filippo didn’t notice.

“We’re almost there.” Filippo points out, looking at Elia who responds with a soft smile.

“Actually Filo, look.”

He points to the bakery on the corner, right in front of them. It’s small but inviting. There’s a sign outside that advertises one free cup of coffee a day for anyone who just lost their job. From the window Elia can see fresh pastries being taken out of the oven and directly being packaged by a young guy who looks at them from inside the store. He is wearing a mask and gloves.

“Maybe we should wear our masks now Filo” Elia points out. “It’s not 6:00 am anymore, people are going outside now.”

Filippo quickly takes his out and puts it on.

“You’re right.”

Elia does the same.

The baker inside is still looking at them. He points at the sign on the door. Open, it says.

“Do, do you want to buy food from this bakery Elia?” Filippo asks carefully, not wanting Elia to feel any pressure to do so.

“It looks safe,” Elia points out. “And did you read the sign? That’s a great gesture, we should support business like this.”

“Let’s go inside then.” And they do.

Filippo puts his arm around Elia’s shoulder and guides him in. Surprisingly, there’s a lot to choose from but after a helpful suggestion from the baker they decide to buy plain croissants and two chocolate and mint muffins.

“Have a good day!” Elia tells him as they leave, one bag in each hand. The door closes behind them and they’re again outside, feeling the cold breeze.

“Lead the way the Filo” Elia says. “You wanted to choose where we were going to eat right?”

“Yup”, he replies looking at him. Elia can hear his smile underneath the mask.

They walk for little bit before eventually deciding to eat in a small park two blocks away from their apartment. Filippo told him he used to go there quite a lot with Ele when she still lived with him but he hadn’t been there since. The park, if you can even call it that, it’s tiny and it’s surrounded by four tall buildings making it feel even smaller. _It’s quite a secluded place,_ Elia thinks. There’s a large tree close to the center and they sit underneath it, its long branches shading them even more.

“It feels so much colder here haha” Elia laughs.

“Yes, I guess I didn’t think this through,” Filippo responds. “It’s very nice in the summer though! You know how warm it gets in Rome in August. This is the perfect spot to chill outside around that time of the year.”

Elia nods and lays back on the tree trunk, taking off his mask. Filippo hands him hand sanitizer and sits next to him.

“Can you scoot over a bit? The trunk is wide enough for both of us, don’t be selfish.”

Elia snorts and move to the right, freeing enough space for Filo to squeeze next to him. Shoulder to shoulder they eat the croissants in silence. Filippo wasn’t lying, it really is a relaxing spot. You can barely hear anything from where they are. _The noise from the main street a block away is so faint from here,_ Elia thinks.

“I think I will come here more often.” He says out loud. Filo turns to look at him.

“To do what?” Filippo asks genuinely.

“Write, maybe.” Elia takes another bite.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm”, he replies. Mouth full with food still. “When I start uni at least. I’m sure I will have a lot of writing to do and I don’t know if I will be able to concentrate at home. Specially with how loud you play music.” He says, smirking at Filo who responds by nudging him gently on ribs with his elbow.

Elia laughs.

“I mean, just look at this place,” he continues. “Look up at the branches. Look. It’s so dense, you almost can’t see the sky. Don’t you just feel like you’re somewhere else? Somewhere so far away from this city, from this life?”

“Uh, yeah.” Filippo says matter-of-factly “Why do you think Ele and I use to come here so often?”

“You’re right” Elia replies. “I want to lay down, I wish my coat had a hoodie.”

He sighs.

Filippo takes off his coat and hands it over, suggesting Elia uses it like a pillow.

“Take it, I’m not cold really.” Filippo says, grabbing the last croissant from the bag and devouring it in two bites.

Elia accepts his offer. “We can share.”

“Sure”

Elia carefully places the coat next to the tree and lays on his back. The dry leaves around him crunch as he adjusts his body on the grass, finding a comfortable position.

 _Such a dense tree,_ he observes looking up before closing his eyes.

“Don’t fall asleep here”, Filo warns him. “It’s impossible to wake you up sometimes.”

“I won’t, I promise” he whispers softly.

The silence fills the park again for a while until they hear a car driving by in the distance.

“Why do you want to be a writer Elia?” Filippo randomly asks.

“What made you think of that?” Elia wonders.

“After you mentioned you were planning on coming here to write I realized I never asked you why you wanted to be a writer or study literature at university. I’m just curious.”

“Do you want a quick answer or a deep one?”

“Uh – I,”

 _Fucking Irene and her stupid premonition,_ Filippo curses in his head. “Deep.” He eventually answers, resigning himself to possibly developing more feelings for Elia.

“So, I’ve told you I didn’t have the best time growing up, right? My dad being like he is, my mom leaving us… sometimes it just felt like too much. I found video games and movies to be a good distraction but they’re so short term sometimes.”

“Short term?” Filippo lays back, sharing his coat as a pillow with Elia.

“Yeah, it doesn’t last long. The distraction I mean. You watch a movie, 1-2 hours, and then you’re back to where you were. Books are not like that. For one they take longer to read and more importantly, the world you dive into is one you create.”

“I mean, the writer creates it, you just read it though.” Filo challenges Elia.

“Not necessarily Filo” Elia whispers.

“Explain. Don’t fall asleep.” Filippo says loudly making Elia laugh.

“Ok, so with texts the images we create, the feelings we associate with the descriptions, they come from within you know, we build them from our own experiences, fears, desires. You’ve heard that saying that if you ask two people to draw a house, they will draw different looking houses, right? Well, it’s the same thing. The author does half of the work, the most difficult part of course. They have to inspire us to live these moments in our minds, or at least live them again if we’ve gone through a similar situation like the one being portrayed in the text but, in the end, we create the experience ourselves, visually at least. I like the idea of helping someone’s mind wander, of my texts accompanying them in an unexpected journey. I enjoy when I read about – I don’t know, uhm” Elia looks up, opening his eyes, “a tree for example, and before the author guides me elsewhere, my mind might go to this tree in particular and to spending the morning with you. The tree in the author’s mind might be completely different to this one, but how will I know that? In a movie that doesn’t happen because I can instantly see it’s not the same tree from my memories. But on a text, I get to decide how the tree looks and if the author doesn’t tell me, I get to decide how the character might feel laying underneath, how they might’ve felt like I feel now under this one with you.”

Elia moves his hands under his head. “You know what I mean?” He asks turning to look at Filippo.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I know what you mean.” He finishes, looking back at him, a pensive expression on his face.

Filippo looks up at the tree again. He is playing with a couple of dry leaves he found on the floor. There’s a stillness in the park that morning. An atmosphere created by the shade, the chill weather and by Elia specially. Coincidentally they sigh at the same time. Elia chuckles awkwardly, turning on his side hoping a change of posture might ease a bit of the tension he is suddenly feeling after the things he just shared. He looks at Filippo who has not moved.

“Why are you so deep at 9:00 am Santini?” Filippo asks, a slight resignation on his tone.

“I don’t know, you asked and I answered.”

“Yeah…” Filippo closes his eyes

“Filippo are you the one who is going to pass out?” Elia laughs at him.

“No haha” Filippo replies, eyes still closed. “I am sleepy but I won’t be able to sleep here. My hands are so cold.”

“Put them inside your pocket dummy!” Elia says with a laugh “Stop playing with those leaves.”

“No, no. I like crunching them with my fingers. I love the sound they make. Especially now that everything is so quiet.”

Elia sits up directly facing Filippo. In front of him Filo’s abdomen, covered in broken leaves and dirty. His hands resting on his stomach. Elia stares at them. So soft and gentle looking, turning the leaves into dust in between his fingers. Elia grabs the closest one to him and nuzzles it between his. Rubbing and warming it up with care. Filippo doesn’t react, eyes still closed.

“They’re cold Filo” Elia says holding his hand tightly.

“Just one,” He responds after a few moments. “The one you’re holding doesn’t feel so cold anymore” A soft smile on his lips.

Elia agrees, it’s not cold to the touch anymore.

“Ok Elia, we should get going.”

Filippo stands up abruptly, pulling his hand away from Elia.

“The hand massage was putting me to sleep and we still need to go to the supermarket.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.”

Elia stands up too. He grabs the empty bags and throws them in the nearby trash bin. When he walks back to the tree Filippo is waiting for him, bag on his back.

“Ok, you ready? Let’s go” Filippo starts walking towards the sidewalk. Elia looks down, slightly embarrassed of what just happened, but follows suit, next to him one step behind.

One second later Filippo abruptly stops and jogs to Elia’s right side.

“Uh?” A confused Elia asks

“Oh, this way it’s just easier for you to warm my other hand” Filippo smirks.

Elia chuckles, unsure if he means it or not. Bravely he takes Filippo’s hand in his and tugs him forward.

“Ok, now we’re ready then. Let’s go Filo”


	5. 10:00 - dinner and a movie

The rush Elia is feeling right now is indescribable. It’s shooting up from his right arm, the one Filippo is holding, and it fills his chest so intensely the feeling becomes too heightened to handle as soon they reach the main road. It’s too much and Elia doesn’t know what to do about it.

 _Fuck this is scary_ , he thinks letting go of Filippo’s hand as casually as possible. He doesn’t know if Filippo can tell but, on the inside, he is shaking. What is he getting himself into? He felt pure joy from the park to the main street but now he is worried. Filippo in the other hand has been feeling worried ever since they left the park, just when he felt Elia’s gentle hold of his hand.

 _Fuck, shit, shit, fuck_ were Filippo’s thoughts as they walked. Did he made things weird by asking Elia to hold his hand as they left? Technically Elia held it first before, so if anyone is making things weird is Elia, right? But Elia can do that platonically just to be nice. He’s always preaching that there is a thing as platonic physical affection but yet here he is, romanticizing a straight guys way of show he cares about him as a friend. _UGH._

 _This is Irene’s fault,_ he tells himself. He knows it really isn’t but right now he needs someone to blame. Just for one more minute and then he will take responsibility for his own actions. They should probably talk right? Is there actually something to talk about or will Filippo sound like a crazy guy reading into things? Gosh, imagine the look at Elia’s face when Filippo asks if there’s something developing between them when Elia thought they were just friends. He should probably wait then. If something else happens then he will say something. And right then and there, as if Elia read his mind, he let go of his Filo’s hand.

 _Now breath and act normal **,**_ they both think to themselves.

“So what are we buying at the supe–“

“Did I show the meme whe–“

They both laugh loudly. The tension is easing a bit.

“What meme Filippo?” Elia asks first.

“Never mind, it’s very stupid” Filippo dismisses Elia. He had said the first thing that came to mind but now that he had time to think about it, there’s no point talking about a meme he doesn’t have on his phone to actually show which one he’s talking about.

“Don’t be annoying, you can’t mention something and then decide not to tell me more.”

“It’s stupid Elia, and I just remember I don’t have it on my phone anyway”

“Describe it then.”

Elia stops walking and faces Filippo, raising his eyebrows daringly.

“Go on, what’s the meme about?”

Filippo rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Gosh, you’re so annoying. Fine Elia, it’s a picture of a toucan facing sideways. Under it is the same toucan but a hand is removing the beak and underneath the beak someone photoshopped a small human face.”

Elia lets out a huge gasp

“I HAVE IT! And I’m obsessed, it’s so creepy!” Elia jumps excited making Filippo laugh hard.

“I had a feeling you would like it, that’s why I mentioned it. Please send it to me. I want to send it to Marti from an unknown number so he’s weirded out.”

Elia is laughing so hard he accidentally trips backwards, almost losing his balance. If it wasn’t for Filo reaching out and grabbing his hand he would’ve fallen to the ground. Instantly, as he feels Filo’s skin against his, the rush of energy appears again. It’s so nice and warm. Why was he afraid of it a few minutes ago? He can’t remember.

He looks up at Filippo who is now laughing harder because of Elia almost falling over. _What a beautiful laugh,_ Elia thinks. He smiles blushing at Filippo, slightly embarrassed.

“So, supermarket?” He finally speaks once Filippo stops teasing him.

“Haha, yeah. Let’s go.”

They reach the supermarket a few moments later. There’s not as many people inside as Elia feared, so he goes inside calmly. Filippo nudges Elia when they walk through the door, checking in on him.

“Everything’s ok?”

“Yup, everything is ok” He replies, breathing out inside the mask.

“Great! Ok, what do we need? What do we need?”

Filippo speeds down the aisle, moving quickly from side to side grabbing a bunch of things and putting them inside the basket. Elia decides to stand back and let him do his thing. It’s much more enjoyable to watch him being giddy, coming up to Elia super excited about finding cookies two for one, or asking if he’s down to bake a three-tier cake tomorrow. Elia just laughs and carries the basket for the both of them.

“Filo,” Elia interrupts him as he is looking for more chocolate bars. “As much as I love sweets and junk food, we do need to buy some vegetables and fruits. We’re almost all out and I don’t think we’re planning on eating chocolate for the next two weeks.”

Filippo pretends to be annoyed at Elia. “Wow, I never knew I was sharing an apartment with my grandfather. Fine, let’s go buy some veggies.” He throws the chocolates back on the shelf and pulls Elia from the sleeve to the next isle.

“We can cook healthier things and still enjoy them you know?” Elia tells him laughing.

Filippo ignores him, too busy looking at the produce in front of them. Abruptly, he turns around to face Elia, lifting his eyebrows in excitement

“Oh. My. God.” He exclaims loudly.

A couple behind him turns around in surprise. Elia smirks under the mask at him, waiting for Filippo to share the reason of all this commotion.

“Well? Are you going to ask me what’s my great idea Elia?” Filippo demands annoyed.

“Oh? Is that what I was supposed to do there?” He teases Filippo. “Fine, fine. Oh, Filippo, please tell me what’s your great idea.”

“At least try to sound more genuine!”

“I’m trying my hardest here Filo, just tell me.”

Filippo sprints down the aisle and returns a few seconds later with a his hands full. He looks at Elia, expecting him to react anytime soon.

“Uh – what am I looking at exactly?” Elia asks confused. He’s holding regular looking vegetables. Is he supposed to know a secret meaning to this specific pairing of produce?

“I don’t know Elia, you tell me, what am I holding? What can we make with this?” Filippo replies impatiently, holding the vegetables closer to Elia’s face.

“Uhm, well those are zucchinis, and that’s a squash I think.” He says, pointing at each item as he’s naming them. “Then eggplants, tomatoes, that’s a Coke Zer–”

“Ignore the Coke Zero.”

“Ok, and the last thing is garlic.” Elia looks up at him.

“Ok, aaaaand?” Filippo insists leaning even closer towards Elia.

“Just tell me already!” Elia snaps.

“Fine, you’re no fun” Filippo responds as he places the items on the basket. “Ratatouille! Elia, we can cook this, and eat it whilst watching the movie!” He finally says, beaming with excitement.

Elia is still confused. “Wait, isn’t that movie about rats? What does that have to do with this?”

“Wh– what? Yes, it’s a coming-of-age animated film about a brave gay rat who decides to live his truth as a chef. And as a rat, because apparently you can’t be both. And the movie’s name is a play on–”

He’s now even more confused. “He’s gay?”

“Remy?” Filippo exclaims in shock. “Are you asking me if Remy the Rat is gay? Elia, don’t tell me you haven’t seen this movie?”

“I haven’t. Is he really gay or is this like the time you insisted the Babadook was a gay icon? Because I have seen that movie and there’s not one single scene where they reference him being into guys.”

Filippo rolls his eyes at Elia again.

“Ok this is appalling. We will watch Ratatouille today because no roommate of mine will be oblivious to the queer masterpiece that is Ratatouille. And yes, it’s exactly the same as the Babadook, in the sense that’s it’s CLEARLY” lifting his finger in the air, emphasizing the word so loudly that people are now starting at them, “queer coded but everyone is too much of a coward to recognize it.”

As amusing their back-and-forth banter is for Elia, he can feel the stares and it’s making him feel a little bit self-conscious. 

“Filo people are looking at us, let’s not do this here.” Elia whispers to Filo, holding in a chuckle.

“Well, I don’t care!” he replies just as loud as he was before. “I will not calm down as you look down at queer cinema.”

Elia grabs the basket and starts walking towards the cashier. “Gosh, you are impossible.” He says hiding a smile. Filippo catches up to him.

“Joking aside, can please cook Ratatouille, watch Ratatouille and later discuss how iconic that movie is? I can and I will point out all the dialogue where my thesis about Remy being a gay rat is proven.”

“Yes, Filo, we can do that. Is he really gay though or are you just messing with me?”

The cashier watches them attentively, looking more at them than at the items as they’re being scanned.

“I told you, he is gay and I can prove it. I even have all my evidence documented in the official trailer‘s comment section on YouTube where I got into a fight with a bunch of homophobic idiots who refuse to admit this is a queer film.”

The cashier clears her throat underneath her mask and points at the screen to show the total amount they owe.

“Oh shit. That much?” Filippo asks. She nods.

“We’re buying two weeks’ worth of food remember and you bought a lot of sweets.” Elia explains. They take out their wallets, split the cost and walk out the supermarket.

The sidewalk is way busier now. Must be because the sun is out.

“It’s such a nice day, isn’t it?” Elia declares. Filippo nods as he rearranges the bags in his hands and gently bumps his shoulder against Elia’s to get his attention.

“It has been a nice day. Now let’s head back. I could use a nap and I need to find the movie so I can educate you on this brilliant piece of animated queer cinematic history. You uncultured swine.”

Elia gasps. “Too far Filo, too far.”

“I realized as I said it, I’m sorry.” Filippo apologizes giggling.

“You’re the uncultured swine.” Elia replies in a whisper under his breath, loud enough for Filippo to hear.

They both laugh.


End file.
